Yes, it's true, writing is a form of mental illness. I finally figured that out this weekend while at a writing panel at Wizard World. Someone asked the writer, "How do you keep motivated to write?"
The guy paused for a second before answering, "Because you're a writer. If you have to ask yourself why you write you're not a writer. If you can't go one day without writing something, you're not a writer. If you go two weeks without writing anything and you start to feel cranky, like you've got PMS, then you're a writer. We don't write because we want too, we write because we have too."
I nodded my head in total agreement and realized that it sounded like a mental illness, even a compulsion like those who have to wash their hands ten times a day.
I started writing when I was really young, around 11 or so. I remember very clearly how it all happen. I was a weird kid, mostly because my imagination was totally out of control. I would see things in my mind, I would hear voices in my head, I would play act with myself the stuff I was hearing in my head. I would watch television and get jazzed by an idea and I would relive that idea in my head over and over again. I tried to draw what I was seeing but most of it wasn't visual and I had a hard time getting down what I was seeing, what I was hearing. It wasn't until I put a pen to paper that the voices would fade away. They weren't dangerous voices, they werent' telling me to set something on fire or to steal something, they were telling me stories and unless I wrote them down they stick in my head and I feel I would have gone slowly insane! Maybe that's what drives people insane, having no outlet for the stuff that is going on their heads.
I know I'll never make money doing this, I know I'll never became a famous author and knowing that almost caused me to stop writing. Yes, for about a year I wrote almost nothing and I was miserable. I would sit in front of the TV or I'd play a game and I would think that I really should be writing something. The more I didn't the more I wanted too. The voices were coming back. I had to sit down and write. When I did, even though it was only a short little paragraph, it felt good, it felt right! I could never give it up for good, it's too much a part of who I am and not writing just doesn't feel right.
I'm also glad I never stopped for good, it wasn't until after that episode that I started to get some success in writing. Not much, but a little. I have a series of stories at Podiobooks (www.podiobooks.com, just do a search for Callahan) that has gotten me a writing award and a few good friends.
I always say that I'll send my stuff out and maybe it'll get published. I tell myself that I'm writing to one day become rich and not worry about work again. I write my stories for many reasons, but most of them are on the perphial for the real reason I write. I write because the voices in my head tell me to write and if I stop they'll keep bothering me and bothering me until I write down what they're saying.
