Timothy Callahan

Blogging like it’s 1982

My younger self cracks me up. I few years ago at another site I re-wrote all the journal entries from a journal I found deep inside one of my story bags. Before computers I used to hand write all my stories and I guess that's how it got there. Anyway, while re-reading them I couldn't help but laugh, I was a very weird kid and these entries pretty much proves that.

I transcribed them exactly as I wrote them, bad spelling and all. All the new comments, from my grown up self, are in bold. I have to say, if I could go back in time to meet my younger self I'd have to pat him on the back, I could never be this weird again.

 

 

February 18, 1982

Dear Joiurnal,

Today is boring the only thing good happen to me was that I saw a (movey) move. And recess. Today we have snow nad I got snow in my boot

 

February 19, 1982

Dear Jaurnal (I was really working on spelling Journal right here I guess)

Today is like yesterday but we have spelling test I hope I do good wee you Monday.

 

Febuury 22, 1982

Dear journal, (seems I finally figured it out)

hi is Mondy on firday my cat caut a mouse. I might go to my aunts house she lives in new jersey.

 

Faniuery 23, 1982 (BTW, my attempts to spell February is making me laugh, I got it right the first two times then it was all down hill from there!)

Dear Jarnel,

Two day is my birthday everyone wished me a happy day we had cup cakes and so did the teachers.

by by

 

Farnuery 24, 1982 (I just noticed, maybe I just can't find the b in my own handwriting.)

Dear Jornel,

(tow) two day I am 11 my birthday is yesterday I am having gitarel lesons today and it is at 4:00

 

Feburuery, 25, 1982

Dear jernerl (To this day when I can't spell something I write it out the way it sounds)

(I got) Someone in my class got a pet pen. We are going to exagut him but he got away and we got him back agan and we toke him. by (this is the most confusing entry ever.)

 

Feburury 26, 1982.

(do) to day is not exstding

 

March 1, 1982 (Thank goodness, a month I can spell!)

Dear Jernerl

last night I saw a ufo it was weared I look up in the sky and I saw a flashing light then I walk two feet and saw another one. I told my sister and she belived me and I told her frend and I'm not shor if she beliveves me and I told some one in my class and he belves me. (Oh yeah, I had a fascination with UFO's when I was younger, always thought I saw one.)

 

March 2, 1982

Dear jernerl (seems I've gotten a pretty standard spelling of Journal by now, it's wrong, but at least it's consistent)

Two day is not exsiding I had resece and I talk

by by

 

March 5, 1982

Dear Journal (oh my god, I spelled it right!)

I'm back I was sick with a cold

by

 

March 8, 1982

Dear(e) journal,

yesterday I hurt my thumb. (ah, the trial and tribulations of an 11 year old.)

 

March 9 1982

Dear journal,

 

Today my thumb still hurts. (and the drama of everyday life continues.)

 

March 11, 1982

Dear (jarnl) journal

 

Did you know mechery is growing smaller day by day. an (jubr) jupiter might exsplod (Is that explode with a Mexican accent? And I think that first planet is supposed to be Mercury. I was also fascinated with Astronomy. Not sure where I got this information from, probably the guy who sat next to me in class.)

 

March 12, 1982

Dear Journal,

today I feel wearby and tiared becous I did not get to sleep till 11:30

by

 

March 18 1982

Dear Journal,

today I'm suppose to write a secret theres on problem I don't have one. (but at least my thumb doesn't hurt anymore.)

 

Okay, the next one is folded in half with the words "Keep out do not touch be careful watchout you touch you died" written on it. I wonder what could be inside?

 

Dear Journal,

yesterday One of my frends said, he sall the New jesey devel and said if I told anybody I'm diad. he said it looked like this --> (I think I drew a Muppet, at least that's what it looks like to me.)

 

March 18, 1982

Dear Joruil, (darn, so close!)

Today I have a cold.

by

 

Dear jounil,

a day ago I saw it agin a ufo. No one belives me but I know you will.

by

 

March 24, 1982

Dear Journal,

I overherd my anunt say "I might move to her house.

by

 

March 24, 1982

Dear Journal,

the new thing today is I am going to Vigina (I still can't spell Virgina very well.)

(below this is a nice colorful drawing of the planets, I even drew the great red spot on Jupiter!)

 

 

March 29, 1982

Dear Journal,

Today I look like a shool boy in my uniform

 

Dear Journal,

(do) to day my family is doing very well indid by

 

April 2 1982,

Dear Jornal,

(da) to Day the weather is very sunny and clear.

 

April 14, 1982

Dear Jornal,

(I) wen I went to Virgina and fell in a creak 2 times and got my shoes wet. I hunet eggs with candy. by (I assume I mean I hunted eggs with candy in them, I don't know anyone named Candy.)

 

April 15, 1982

Dear jounal,

I had to bring in a book report. last night I look out my tellaskop (wow, I really had to sound that one out didn't I?) and saw a planet, bty

 

(from here on out it doesn't look like I put dates on any of these, I wonder why.)

 

Dear Joual,

Today is like a normal day. by

 

Dear Journal,

Daring the weekend I was going gofing and my dad forgot me. (Umm. . . what?)

 

Dear Jounal,

toDay is not exsiding the only thing that is is I got 100 on my math test. (Glad it wasn't a spelling test.)

 

Dear jounel,

I had a strang dream. It was at my grandmoms house and saw 2 U.F.O.'s the first one whent over my head and the next one landed 2 blackes away and it look round and long and round picer I will write soon. and my cat and dog ran away my dog flew in the space ship my cat ran away from frite by. (I swear to god I was not an 11 year old stoner when I wrote this.)

 

Dear journel,

I whent over my (grandmom) anit shalits. (okay, took me a while to figure out what a anit shalit was, I think I mean my Aunt Charlottes. Charlotte is such a hard name to spell at 11!)

 

Dear Jounel,

Today sister came in the room because someone said a rumer about someone. (Now I want to know what the rumer was about.)

 

Dear Jounel,

today is rainy day and I fell missabill by

 

Dear Jounil,

today miss Marin tought (is) us what a adveages is. by (I have no idea what a adveages is suppose to mean.)

 

Dear Journal,

today miss Marin is mad I liked it better when she was sick. (This is my favorite entry ever.)

 

 

Dear Journal,

toDay is not a cold day it is very (cold) hot and when me and Ken get togeter we will put on a show by (Hey, let's put on a show! I don't remember doing any musicals when I was 11 but heck, that was a long time ago.)

 

Dear jounal,

during my weekend I went over my aunts house and I'm still there. by

 

Dear jounal,

Miss Marin is not in today and miss white is taking her place. By (Guess my wish that she was still sick came true. Darn, if only I knew I had that kind of power when I was a kid I could have ruled the world!)

 

Dear jounal,

(toc) yesterday we had a lot of sports. My team was the blue we lost. By (Typical Philadelphia team in the 80's.)

 

Dear fournal (must have had dyslexic moment there)

 

Doday I start my exams I just started my Relgon thest I think I did good next is my Math see ya then. I am going to start my math test. see ya. After I am finished my exams of math i think I got a 90. see ya after spelling. (dear god, what could I have gotten in my spelling test!?)

 

Dear jounal,

To day I whent in a pool and had fun. by

 

Dear jarinal,

I went in the pool again. by

 

Dear Jauned,

the same (oh, I am so not trying!)

 

Dear Jaunal,

Today I chaned football and I was so tired i gould barly walk.

 

***That's the last one from 82, the next one starts in 83 and it get much better, I hit puberty! I'll leave that for another day.

Inception, it was a dream come true

Inception may be the first movie I've seen this year that will be nominated for best picture and, considering that there haven't been too many great movies released this year, it could very well win. So far it's the best movie I've seen this year and unless something else comes along to blow me away I can't see there being any other movies that could beat it. It probably won't win, Science Fiction hardly ever wins Best Picture, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't win.

The movie is about a team lead by Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) who had the ability to enter people's dreams. They do this on a as hire bases so they can extract information from the person's mind. Normally they're hired but rival companies to get insider secrets from the company rivals. But one man, Saito (Ken Watanabe) wants to his Cobb and his team to plant an idea into a rivals head. So, instead of extraction it's an inception that he needs. The idea is a simple one, Sabio wants a rival energy company to break up before they become too powerful to compete with. So, Cobb assembles his team (which includes Ellen Page as a new member of the team, a brilliant architect who they need to help construct the dream land they need to infiltrate, she also acts as an audience surrogate so we can learn as she does.) gets the plan together so they can enter the mind of Fischer ( Cillian Murphy) who's father is on the verge of death. He'll take over the company when the father dies (he's on his deathbed when the movie starts) so there would be no better time to make their move right after that happens.

And, of course, Cobb has a secret he won't tell anyone, a secret that could kill him and anyone else while in their dream state. What I do like about the movie is the rule that if you die in your dream all you do is wake up. I always hated the idea that if you die in your dream (or if you're connected to a complex computer matrix *cough*) that you die in real life. Seriously, I've died in my dreams and I've either woken up, not actually died, or returned as a ghost. The ghost thing has happened to me in at least three dreams I remember, but mostly I just wake up.

To make things more tense in the finale they sort of drop that rule a bit and instead of dying in real life you fall into Limbo or a permeate sleep state that you can't wake up from.

This is a movie you need to see a few times I think to really understand it. The plot was pretty easy to follow, it's pretty much a complex caper movie, but there were things along the edge that need to be examined further. Cobb's relationship with his dead wife, Mal and how he perceives her in him subconscious is really complex. The idea of limbo and dreams within dreams within dreams is fascinating. I loved how they played with time, how five minutes on the real world equals about one hour in the dream world and how as you dive deeper in the levels that 6 to 1 ratio follows you so that if you're three levels deep five minute would equal six months on the third level. The way that played in the climax had me glued to the screen (not even the laughing teens behind me, who obviously were not interested in the movie other than some explosions, didn't bother me much.) Just like the dreams they were infiltrating this movie had many layers that could only be understood with multiple viewings.

I hate it when technology fails me

This weekend I had a bad experience with my GPS. I'd like to blame the GPS, I really would and, in fact, it was partly the GPS's fault but I guess I should really just blame myself cause, well I stand by all the technology I love and I try not to see all the faults so when there is a fault I get very upset at myself for trusting it.

First of all I need to tell you how much I love my GPS. Before I bought it I got lost an awful lot. Not so much when I prepared myself for a trip, before my GPS I did manage to make it from Philadelphia to a lot of places far away, Ohio, Boston, Virginia, North Carolina, all without getting lost. I would go to Google maps, type in the address, print them up, study them a bit and I'd always be sure to have them next to me on my car seat so I could look at them while driving. Okay, never said it was a safe way to do it but when you don't have a co-pilot what else could you do? The only time I had a problem was when I was driving on a busy highway and had to slam on my breaks because I had been cut off. My directions went flying from the seat onto the floor and I couldn't reach them, at least not without stopping or causing an accident. Luckily I knew the exit and when I got off there was a gas station I was able to pull into.

I always resisted getting a GPS, not really sure why, maybe I thought getting one would be me giving up on trying to figure out how to get places, I'm not sure. The final nail in the coffin of if I should or shouldn't get one was when I got really lost while driving around Philly. I know Philly, I know it pretty well, or so I thought but I made a twenty minute drive into a 2 hour odyssey of trying to get back to a road that looked familiar! I finally found my way home but when I did I started looking for GPS systems because I never wanted to be that lost again. I finally got one at a good price and I haven't regretted. . .that is until Friday.

Me and my girl were supposed to get from Kutztown to Lakeview PA. The problem is the place, Cove Haven, didn't have an address the GPS recognized but the website had the GPS Decimal Coordinates so I figured that's good enough, even though I've never had to enter those before it didn't seem all the hard so I placed the Decimal Coordinates in the GPS and off we went!

Of course you can ask me, "didn't the website give you directions from where you were at?" The answer would be yes, the problem is I really wasn't sure which directions I needed to follow since the directions were all 'if you're coming from here, go this way, if you're coming from here go this way, if you're coming from her go this way' and I didn't know which one of those places matched from where I was coming from.

I should have just put the town into the GPS then called them from wherever it was I ended up, how big could the town have been? Nope, didn't do that cause I had the Decimal Coordinates!

Half way through the drive I started to get nervous. I had read the directions from different locations and most had me going to a certain highway but as I drove I didn't notice any signs for the highway. Oh well, my GPS has never let me down before! It might not take me the most efficient way possible (like going to my friends house it tends to take me way out of my way.) but it always gets me there.

The more I drove the more I worried. I didn't express my worry to my girl, why bother her, she was taking a nap anyway but I really should have pulled over to double check but, I had faith darn it!

It really wasn't until I made the turn into the housing development that I realized I was in the wrong place. I tried to figure out what I did wrong and the only thing I could think of it I simply placed the wrong Decimal Coordinates into the system because, even though we were off course we weren't really that far off course. I decided to put the town into the GPS and lo and behold I was about two hours of my way, I thought, I really stopped trusting my GPS now and that hurt me! I loved that thing and it betrayed me!

So, after figuring out where we were (thanks to my iPhone) I called the hotel and they gave me directions to the place, which is what I should have done in the first place!

Is there a lesson in all this? I don't know but if you find one leave a comment, I can use all the help I can get.

 

 

 

I saw Grown Ups and cried. . .

Mostly I cried cause I can't believe I paid 9 bucks, well 18 since I paid for Debbie's ticket as well, to see this piece of crap. If you see just one unfunny movie this year go see Grown ups!

Okay, okay, okay, I'll admit it, I'm a movie snob. I try to give movies like this a chance, I try to come into the movie with a sense that maybe I'll be surprised, maybe this movie will be funnier than it looks, maybe this will the Adam Sandler movie I actually like! But, half way thought I thought, "Well heck, if the makers aren't going to try why should I?"

I have never seen a movie more lazy than this. It's like the writers didn't even try, it was like they had a checklist of things that they thought people would find funny:

Old people humiliated? CHECK!

Fat person humiliated? CHECK!

Little kids who are annoying yet are supposed to be funny? CHECK!

Body function as humor? CHECK!

Gross out moments that no normal person would get involved in? CHECK!

It's like, they didn't even want to make a funny movie, I think Adam Sandler just wanted to get his friends together at a cabin near a lake and hang out. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that but why did I pay 18 bucks to watch that! I wanted stand up and yell, "Come on guys, at least try!" Or, as Homer said, "Be more funny!"

It's really not that hard to make me laugh. I laugh a lot, I laugh at everything, in fact, it's really hard to get me not to laugh so to have a comedy not make me laugh is a real accomplishment. I think I might have laughed once during this movie, maybe twice, and actually now that I think about it they laughs were pretty much the same joke, Rob Schinder's character have two very hot daughters. That was funny, that was kind of inspired actually, that seemed like a joke that someone worked hard to think of and you know, it worked and it was funny! But the joke wasn't worth 18 bucks!

That it's, that's all I have to say, movie sucked, won't see it again, wouldn't recommend anyone else seeing it, I'm done.

I saw Toy Story 3 and I cried

Okay, maybe I didn't blubber like I did at the end of Marley and Me but I did get emotional when the movie was getting close to an end. Now, I know these characters will always be with us in one form or another but to me the only place they really exist is on the screen and seeing the final adventure of Woody, Buzz and the gang was a bitter sweet moment.

I think everyone has a history with these movies. Now, I wasn't that young when the first one came out and, actually, I sort of missed it when it was first released. I thought it was neat that they had made a totally computer animated movie but it didn't strike me as being any good. I was wrong, of course, and when I did see it a few years later (as I was getting ready to see Toy Story 2) I really regretted not seeing the first one when it was in the theater. And the second one, well, it was just masterful. I can't even think about Jessie's song without feeling it in my gut. I think the movies tap into a fear everyone has, the fear of being abandoned and that scene, that song, that moment is just a perfect way to showing what that feeling is like.

I was excited when I heard they were making a Toy Story 3 but I kept wondering how they could top 2. If we never had another Toy Story movie I think the way 2 ended would have been easy to accept. Andy was going to grow up but he'd have his pals with him until he did, we could fill in the blanks but I could easily see Andy giving his toys to his kids to play with and that would have been fine. I knew the third one was going to be good but could it have be as perfect as 2? Well, I got good news and bad news.

The good news is, Toy Story 3 is just about as good a movie as you'll ever see, the bad news is it doesn't reach the same perfection as Toy Story 2 but that's okay, not too many movies did. (Wall-e is the only Pixar movie better than Toy Story 2)

I loved where they took the story, Andy is going away to college and he needs to either take his toys with him, throw them out or put them in the attic. A misunderstanding with him mother puts the toys on the fast track to the trash but they manage to escape and are very angry at Andy for throwing them away so they jump in a box going to a day care center for a donation, that's when the movie really takes off. The jokes come pretty quickly and, like all other movies, some are meant for kids, some for adults. I mean, really, how many kids are going to understand that they're basically watching a Prison break movie? The new toys, including a metro-sexual Ken doll, are a welcome addition to the Toy Story group. I personally like the triceratops Trixie, she didn't have many lines but she few did were very funny and made me laugh.

Okay, I'm about to get into spoiler territory here to be warned. I want to talk about a scene near the end of the movie. So, if you don't want to know about it stop reading . . . right. . . now!

 

There's a very powerful scene near the very end and had me wondering how the kids were taking it and also making me admire the guts that Pixar has in trusting it's audience. Near the end all the toys are being pulled a pile of trash into a massive incinerator. They've exhausted all their options, there isn't anything else they can do to save themselves. Jessie looks at Buzz and yells, "what are we going to do?"

Buzz looks at her, then reaches his hand out for her to hold. Soon all the toys are holding hands with each other accepting their fate, there isn't anything else they can do, they are going to die and they've decided to die together. These seems to go on forever until they're finally rescued.

I think that scene is not only one of the best in the Toy Story movies but probably one of the best Pixar has ever done and I have to give the creators credit for going there, it took a lot of guts I'm sure.

I wouldn't mind seeing another Toy Story movie but they'll have to work really hard to come up with a better way to end the series. I still think that if Toy Story 3 never came about the ending in Toy Story 2 was good enough of a ending for our characters but, that said, the ending of three, and hopefully the franchise, couldn't have been better.

Creative choices

Writing is lonely. You need to write in a vacuum, you need to trust your own instincts and trust that what your brain is telling you is the right choice for your story. But, what if you're mind is trying to fool you into thinking that writing choice you've made is the correct one? Or, what if it is and someone else tells you something different and you go with that or, what if you just come up with some really bad ideas and there's no one around to tell you it's a bad idea or, they're all yes men who tell you your crap doesn't smell.

I think of this as I write, I also think of this as I watch movies or read books. I wonder why the writer made certain choices with the film or story. I will read or see something peculiar and think, "Why did they go that way?" or, "wasn't there someone in charge who told this person this was a horrible idea?"

The most recent example of this came from the movie The Watchmen. I really did love the movie, thought it was almost perfect except for maybe a few things. The one creative choice I couldn't understand was the use of music which seemed to distract from the scenes instead of enhancing them.

The scene that really sticks out in my mind was the first appearance of Doctor Manhattan during the Vietnam war. He was about fifty feet tall walking across a field killing all the enemies and, while they were showing this they were playing "Ride of the Valkyries" which, while a really cool song, didn't seem to fit the scene and I thought it was a bad song choice.

Another example from the movie was them playing "Purple Haze" when pulling back from the bad guy's lair (non-spoiler alert, not going to tell you who the bad guy is!) again, it seemed odd to me and just distracted from the scene. I wondered if anyone stopped for a moment to say, "maybe this isn't a good choice" or if they just went with it.

I think probably the biggest mistake ever made in a movie, book, or tv show, took place over the summer of 1999. We all waited in grand anticipation for the release of Star Wars: The Phantom menace. I could probably write an entire entry on bad choices that were made during the second trilogy but I think I'll just focus on the one that most people agree was simply a bad, bad idea. Midi-chlorians. (Bet you thought I was going to say Jar Jar Binks, didn't you?) I mean. . .what the heck was George Lucas thinking!? At what point did he wake up and say, "Hey, you know, this whole Force thing needs to be explained on a biological level." Maybe it was just the creator over thinking something. Maybe it was something that had bothered him for years, the inability to explain the force, and he needed to do that to clear his own mind, or maybe it was just a really horrible idea. Whatever the case I wished someone had just stopped him and said, "George, you can't explain the force, it's just there and people have accepted that so why can't you?" But, no one did (or they did and he ignored them.) and there you go, we now have Midi-chlorians in the Star Wars universe.

I sometimes wish I had a staff of twenty to tell me if I had a bad idea or not but I don't, I need to judge for myself if an idea I had is bad or not and I always struggle with trying to filter them out in my own writing. I don't want someone to read or listen to my work and say, "well, that's just stupid." Unless I've said it to myself a few dozen times. I can think of a more than one example of my own writing where I knew the idea was kind of out there but went with it anyway for either dramatic reasons or I just couldn't think of anything better or, in a few cases, because I just thought it was a neat idea.

In my novel Ida I had the main character hitch a ride on a comet as it made its way around the sun. I did this by having him and his crew construct a giant net which would wrap itself around the comet, his life pod would be attached to the end of the net and when the comet was caught it would carry him along for the ride. When I came up with the idea I knew it was kind of silly but I decided to see if I could pull it off. I did a lot of research and found that you know, it's not impossible so I did it. The creative reason for it was to get the hero away from the Space Station while all hell broke loose so he could return to become an even greater hero. I do sometimes wonder if I made the right choice there because a re-write would take an awful long time to complete.

In the Arwen Season III: Armada I wrote a scene that still sort of bothers me today. In it the Earth is about ready to be attacked by a large alien force. The Earth fleet was decimated in an early war and they needed the perfect plan to defeat the bad guys. In the story I had Vice Admiral Cook in charge of the defense of the Earth, he and he alone came up with the brilliant plan to save the planet. I knew, even as I writing it, that this was impossible. There would be no way that one man would be in charge of coming up with a plan to save a planet, it would be a committee of highly trained officers and they would spend weeks coming up with the perfect defense but, I didn't have the time nor did I feel like writing page after page of Generals, Admiral, Presidents, and anyone else who needed to be in the room talking about the best way to defend the planet. Not only would that have bored me to tears the reader and listener would have zoned out after a while wondering when the action was going to take place. So, I made a creative choose to have one man come up with the plan knowing someone might say something about it. So far this seems to bother no one other than me.

Right now I'm struggling with a choice I made in the sixth Arwen story. I'm dealing with a thinking computer and I can't decide if it's going to be completely sentient or not. The problem is the sentient computer who is trying to figure out how to act human is so old and has been done so many times I can't add anything new to it but, it's still a pretty cool idea that I'd like to explore in my own writing. I've decided that's the path I'm going down, that the computer is trying to figure out what it's like to be human, it'll make mistakes, it'll act on instinct, and in the climax it'll do something that it thinks is the right choice but in the end it could kill everyone. That's what I'm going with now but the more I think about it the more I wonder if it's a good idea. Again, wish I had a team of 20 to help me with this decision but, as it is, it's something I need to decide for myself.

Writing is a form of mental illness

Yes, it's true, writing is a form of mental illness. I finally figured that out this weekend while at a writing panel at Wizard World. Someone asked the writer, "How do you keep motivated to write?"

The guy paused for a second before answering, "Because you're a writer. If you have to ask yourself why you write you're not a writer. If you can't go one day without writing something, you're not a writer. If you go two weeks without writing anything and you start to feel cranky, like you've got PMS, then you're a writer. We don't write because we want too, we write because we have too."

I nodded my head in total agreement and realized that it sounded like a mental illness, even a compulsion like those who have to wash their hands ten times a day.

I started writing when I was really young, around 11 or so. I remember very clearly how it all happen. I was a weird kid, mostly because my imagination was totally out of control. I would see things in my mind, I would hear voices in my head, I would play act with myself the stuff I was hearing in my head. I would watch television and get jazzed by an idea and I would relive that idea in my head over and over again. I tried to draw what I was seeing but most of it wasn't visual and I had a hard time getting down what I was seeing, what I was hearing. It wasn't until I put a pen to paper that the voices would fade away. They weren't dangerous voices, they werent' telling me to set something on fire or to steal something, they were telling me stories and unless I wrote them down they stick in my head and I feel I would have gone slowly insane! Maybe that's what drives people insane, having no outlet for the stuff that is going on their heads.

I know I'll never make money doing this, I know I'll never became a famous author and knowing that almost caused me to stop writing. Yes, for about a year I wrote almost nothing and I was miserable. I would sit in front of the TV or I'd play a game and I would think that I really should be writing something. The more I didn't the more I wanted too. The voices were coming back. I had to sit down and write. When I did, even though it was only a short little paragraph, it felt good, it felt right! I could never give it up for good, it's too much a part of who I am and not writing just doesn't feel right.

I'm also glad I never stopped for good, it wasn't until after that episode that I started to get some success in writing. Not much, but a little. I have a series of stories at Podiobooks (www.podiobooks.com, just do a search for Callahan) that has gotten me a writing award and a few good friends.

I always say that I'll send my stuff out and maybe it'll get published. I tell myself that I'm writing to one day become rich and not worry about work again. I write my stories for many reasons, but most of them are on the perphial for the real reason I write. I write because the voices in my head tell me to write and if I stop they'll keep bothering me and bothering me until I write down what they're saying.

 

 

Frank, the Clown accountant

Wrote this a while ago, I know that point I was trying to make now I'm wondering if anyone else can figure it out.  I don't think it's really all the subtle

Frank the accountant walked into work one day

wearing a clown suit.

Everyone laughed at him

in his clown suit and he wondered

“Why is everyone laughing at me?”

He spoke eloquently at all his meetings

creating plans that would save the company from bankruptcy.

But all anyone could see was the clown suit

and his ideas were ignored.

His frustration caused him great anger

but no one cared.

An angry clown is just as funny as a happy one

and who is going to listen to an angry clown anyway?

On his way home in his car people laughed at him

and wondered where all his other clown friends were.

Frank walked home to his wife.

who kissed him on his cheek.

She wiped off the smudge of white make up from her lips and asked

“how was your day?”

Frank told her about his day.

About how he could save the company if they listened.

How no one cared about his plans or his anger or his frustration.

He told her how he didn’t understand it.

He told her how he just felt like dressing like a clown this morning

and thought nothing of how he looked.

He told her how he was surprised when they all laughed

and asked him to make balloon animals.

“Why can’t they look past the clown suit?”  He asked,

“I’m still the same Frank I was before yesterday,

Now they don’t take me seriously!”  He exclaimed.

“Well dear,” she said in a calm motherly voice,

“If you dress like a clown people are going to treat you like a clown.”

Frank understood what his wife was saying and said:

“what if I want to dress as a clown again tomorrow?”

“Then you should expect to be treated the same way until you earn their respect.”

Frank nodded in agreement.

Frank the accounted walked into work the next day

dress as a clown

This time he didn’t mind the laughter. 

I'm a pacifist, wanna make something of it? *PUMPS FISTS*

I’m a pacifist. There, I’ve said it. It’s not something that I just woke up and decided on a whim, no I think this has been brewing in my head for a very long time now and, to be honest, I’m not really sure how to live the pacifist lifestyle.

I did a search and found this from Wikipedia:

Pacifism is the opposition to war or violence as a means of settling disputes or gaining advantage. Pacifism covers a spectrum of views ranging from the belief that international disputes can and should be peacefully resolved; to calls for the abolition of the institutions of the military and war; to opposition to any organization of society through governmental force (anarchist or libertarian pacifism); to rejection of the use of physical violence to obtain political, economic or social goals; to the obliteration of force except in cases where it is absolutely necessary to advance the cause of peace; to opposition to violence under any circumstance, including defense of self and others.

Pacifism may be based on moral principles (a deontological view) or pragmatism (a consequentialist view). Principled pacifism holds that at some point along the spectrum from war to interpersonal physical violence, such violence becomes morally wrong. Pragmatic pacifism holds that the costs of war and inter-personal violence are so substantial that better ways of resolving disputes must be found. Pacifists in general reject theories of Just War.

Pacifists follow principles of nonviolence, believing that nonviolent action is morally superior and/or pragmatically most effective. Some pacifists, however, support physical violence for emergency defense of self or others. Others support destruction of property in such emergencies or for conducting symbolic acts of resistance like pouring red paint to represent blood on the outside of military recruiting offices or entering air force bases and hammering on military aircraft. However, part of the pacifist belief system is taking responsibility for one's actions by submitting to arrest and using a trial to publicize opposition to war and other forms of violence.

Hmm, reading that makes me think a bit so, let me break it down piece by piece and tell you what I think:

Pacifism is the opposition to war or violence as a means of settling disputes or gaining advantage. Pacifism covers a spectrum of views ranging from the belief that international disputes can and should be peacefully resolved; to calls for the abolition of the institutions of the military and war; to opposition to any organization of society through governmental force (anarchist or libertarian pacifism); to rejection of the use of physical violence to obtain political, economic or social goals; to the obliteration of force except in cases where it is absolutely necessary to advance the cause of peace; to opposition to violence under any circumstance, including defense of self and others.

Some of these views are way more radical than I’m willing to go. For instance, I would not call for the abolishment of the military or war, however I do think that war should be the very last thing on the very long list of things to use to help settle a dispute. And I mean a very long list of things. I’m talking a list that goes from the top of the Empire state building down to the ground. I’m also not an anarchist or libertarian, I’m a Democrat but that’ll be for another entry.

I also reject the use of violence to obtain political, economic or social goals. I think that’s why I got so upset at the ‘town hall’ meetings that took place over the summer for health care reform. It wasn’t that I disagreed with the questions that were being asked, I disagreed with the way they were being asked and that made me deaf to what was being said. I also agree with the obliteration of force except in cases where it is absolutely necessary. Again, there’s a long list of things to do before you act with violence but I do understand that violence is sometimes needed to settle a dispute. Normally that’s because the other person wants to use violence and you have no choice but to defend yourself.

Pacifism may be based on moral principles (a deontological view) or pragmatism (a consequentialist view). Principled pacifism holds that at some point along the spectrum from war to interpersonal physical violence, such violence becomes morally wrong. Pragmatic pacifism holds that the costs of war and inter-personal violence are so substantial that better ways of resolving disputes must be found. Pacifists in general reject theories of Just War.

This one I haven’t been able to wrap my brain around yet. However, I do agree that there is no ‘Just War.’ It makes it almost glorify war but I don’t think war should be glorified. In fact, it should really be demonized because war, 99.9% of the time, is a waste of human lives. The only war I can think of that people might have an argument against is World War II. I personally don’t think it was a Just War, I think it was an unavoidable one.

Pacifists follow principles of nonviolence, believing that nonviolent action is morally superior and/or pragmatically most effective. Some pacifists, however, support physical violence for emergency defense of self or others. Others support destruction of property in such emergencies or for conducting symbolic acts of resistance like pouring red paint to represent blood on the outside of military recruiting offices or entering air force bases and hammering on military aircraft. However, part of the pacifist belief system is taking responsibility for one's actions by submitting to arrest and using a trial to publicize opposition to war and other forms of violence.

This is the core of what I believe. I try to follow the principles of nonviolence and nonviolent action. I think we stand a better chance of getting things accomplished by sitting down and talking to one another instead of bashing in each other’s heads. I don’t support destruction of property, that seems go to against what I believe. Basically, everything in the first half of this paragraph I give thumbs up too, everything in the second a thumbs down too.

Now, of course, I know people I tell this too are going to throw scenarios at me that are unlikely to happen. “Oh, what if you’re in a dark alley with your girlfriend and some guy comes up and grabs her and starts to beat her up, will you just stand there and talk to him or will you beat the living crap out of him?”

Well, I mean, gee, let me think. How about I push him off my girlfriend and run like hell to the nearest place where there are people. And hey, let’s take a minute to back track and just say I will never go into a dark alley, ever. Have you ever walked through a dark alley? I know I haven’t. In fact, can you even show me a dark alley and plus, why would someone be hiding in a dark alley anyway? Are they just hoping some guy comes by and walks through?

The one that I know will be thrown at me (because it has when I had a conversation with someone about this not too long ago) goes along the line of. “What if your daughter was raped and killed by some scum and you had the chance to be alone with that guy for five minutes. What would you do?” The guy then proceeded to tell me what he would do, which is basically beat the guy to a pulp.

Now, of course this will never happen (especially since I don’t have a daughter.) and I’ll be honest, I don’t know what I’d do. I might just sit down and make the guy feel bad for what he did. Maybe show him some photos of her, tell him that he took away a wonderful girl. To me shame is something that never heals but a physical bruise will go away within a few weeks. Heck, I’m still ashamed of getting my sister in trouble for something I did when I was 8 years old!

I’m sure there are a thousand situations that will test my commitment to being a pacifist and I’ll probably fail a few of them but I hope that if I’m faced with a choice of violence or nonviolence I chose the nonviolence. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m going to work hard to make it happen.

 

Well, it's ready!

Sometimes getting the first part of a project done is more than enough to make sure you get the entire project completed.  I've had a few starts and stops with some of my Podiobooks projects, most of them because I just didn't like it, others because I was simply lazy but, I've been working on the fourth Arwen story for a long time now and I finally got Chapter one recorded, edited with all the music added.  All I need to do now is simply convert it to the proper MP3 format and it'll be set.  Podoibooks.com has a 5 chapter limit to start so I need to get at least 4 more finished before uploading it.  I've got chapter one finished and I promise I'll finish the entire project before the year is out.

Heck, I might even revisit my only other, none Arwen project sometime in the future! We'll have to see how tired of Podiobooking I am when I'm finished with the Arwen.